Islamic divorce is a hard test to go through but it’s in no way the worst. The difference between moving on and staying mentally stuck is your mindset. You can either choose to let it break you or let it make you. Of course it hurts but the way I see it is there is no point mourning a broken marriage. Had it been happy you wouldn’t have left and if he divorced you then her isn’t worth giving time to.
Islamic divorce: what do you do now?
You say alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah that your situation isn’t worse. You thank Allah swt for His Mercy, especially if it was a bad marriage. He saved you, you were meant for something better. Don’t let that doom and gloom attitude seep in. You don’t have a limited time to get married , there is no time stamp. This isn’t a punishment and if it is it’s still better to be punished here than in the next world. And as for the gossips, handle it with the same grace as prophet Muhammad (sallilahu alayhi wa sallam) did. If these people don’t care about Allah swt enough to stop what they’re doing then why would they care about you?
Cry in moderation
Have a cry if need be but set yourself a timer to do so. I know this sounds silly but if you leave yourself to your own devices then pity can set in and that’s exactly what you don’t want! That’s when shaytaan exploits your weak link and the whisperings begin. Once your time is up, dry your eyes and pray rakatein (2 rakaat) to Allah swt. This is instantly grounding. In fact, it’s better to cry to Allah swt in sujood as this softens your heart towards Allah swt.
Rally the troops
Your friends, kids, family, co-workers, or even other Muslim women from our support group for sisters who have gone through Islamic divorce. Create a support network and tell them what you need. You won’t always get it but you can only try. Let others in and be there for you. Go out and meet sisters as much as you may not want to. Get to the masjid and join halaqas, listen to khutbahs and get closer to Allah swt.
Put one your biggest smile and fake it for the kids if you must. Observe them, you still have left what is most precious my sisters despite an Islamic divorce. You just need to get through today and let tomorrow worry about itself.
Once they are in bed, grab a paper and pen and budget. Write down your monthly expenditure and how much you have coming in. See where you can cut costs. Do you really need cable tv? I cut mine off years ago – it’s a waste of time and most things are on YouTube for free. Do you have enough to live off? What support is available for single parents? Are there any governmental agencies or charities that provide aid? Do your research. Alhamdulillah there is a wealth of knowledge on the internet.
Be practical and not emotional. Put all your effort into organising your life. Now is not the time to fall apart. Get another piece of paper and write out all your fears and worries and things you have to do – known as a brain dump . Getting it out is soothing. Then prioritise what you have to do and break it down into sizeable chunks. Make a to do list for each day.
Know that you’re not alone, Allah swt hasn’t left you. Allah swt does not burden a soul with more than it can bear. Your Islamic divorce is your test, designed specifically for you. To think you can not handle it is to think Allah swt is unjust, and that’s not true. The test could have been worse so we have to look at our blessings and be grateful. This isn’t a punishment upon you, it’s designed to strengthen you and your eeman.
Get closer to Allah swt by any means necessary. Do voluntary acts of worship. Staying up in worship from fajr until the sun rises increases your risq – your sustenance.
And lastly remember: you lived and laughed before this man and your Islamic divorce and you can do so again after. Life does not stop because of a man. We are slaves of Allah swt, not of men! There is so much more to life than just men and marriage. Alhamdulillah for those happily married but alhamdulillah for those divorced too! You have an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and reinvent yourself and your life. It’s a second chance to follow your heart and do things your own way.
Divorce isn’t the end, it’s only just the beginning!